Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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