my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
