I accidentally had phone sex last night
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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