hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
