Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
