it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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