Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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