i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
