Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
