he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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