This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
