omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
