I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
