is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
