so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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