I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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