I accidentally had phone sex last night
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
