Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
