I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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