I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
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Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
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Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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