so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
