I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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