life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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