We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
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Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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