yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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