lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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