He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
