I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
