WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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