we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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