battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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