hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
do nipples grow back?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
