We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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