is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
