you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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