She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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