I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I am naked and annoyed.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
