I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
