All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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