I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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