if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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