she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
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There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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