so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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