I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
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He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
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I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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