my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
