Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
