so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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