if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
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He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You are a booty call, not a friend.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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