I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
