Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize