Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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