living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
