Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
