yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
