did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
