I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
