There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
