Can i not drive my cunt home
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
