what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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