God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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