I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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