I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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