Pregnant stripper...not hot.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
