I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
